Narrow Stairways

21 Dec

At first, there are so many bridges to try to cross by foot and by tram. Once crossed, there are even more airless narrow stairways. You go up and down and into peoples homes because there is nowhere else to go. You have to follow and choose doorways. You are deep inside of it all. You might come upon a Shabbat dinner party in which you know no one, though everyone is warm and inviting. But you cannot stay because you are trying to find the way out of the maze of stairs and hallways and doors that lead only to tiny bathrooms. The way out, though, is really the way in. You are trying to find the way to the party where all of your friends are, outside laughing. You are in these stairways alone even when you encounter strangers, and there are a lot of strangers along the way who do not help you and do not notice you. You wonder how everyone else was able to make it to the party.

It’s difficult to breathe and you ask yourself why you didn’t just go home at the bridge when you had the chance. Then you remember not to regret and not to panic because you know something will change eventually. You will come out of this, dead or alive, broken or whole and likely changed, but in any way, you will come out of this. You will come out of this.

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